Yahoo is international and people are asking questions from Tokyo to the west coast of America. People who answer should take this into account and instead of being rude etiquette nazis who demand that brides do things like hand-write the address on the envelope (true story), it’s the envelope for crying out loud!

Where I grew up a cash bar is seen as the norm and does not breach etiquette in any way. If there is an open bar it’s a pleasant surprise but we do not go to a wedding expecting free booze, other than some champagne for toasting. And if a bridal couple does want to save that money for better food or a bigger hall or whatever then why condem them as being tacky?

We asked for cash gifts because we emigrated right after the wedding. Why is that such a bad thing? We would have loved to get traditional gifts but 1) could not afford the shipping or the needed electrical changes and 2) could not register in our new country because the exchange rate is ridiculous and would have meant that people would have to have paid more. Sure, we could have simply not mentioned gifts but I didn’t want to risk people buying us things that we couldn’t take with. Imagine how that would have made them feel.

Since all our guests were close friends and family, they understood this and were happy with our request. A few of them asked me if they could buy us something and I asked them to remember that we were leaving so it had to be something that could fit in a suitcase.

To me having a registry or gift list is not begging for gifts, it’s making life easier for guests who want to buy something.

And lastly, people seem to forget that both tradition and etiquette change over time. For example. back in the day the invites were hand-written and hand-delivered, nowadays they’re generally not. So why can you accept that but not accept people who don’t want to pay for guests to drunk?
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I have never ever used my financial or even personal issues as an excuse to exercise poor etiquette. I was taught better than that. How you treat your guests is a reflection of you and your upbringing. To ask someone to make their own meal or pay for water in 100 degree weather, as one person said, is simply rude and in poor taste. People need to learn how to budget. It is rude to expect a nice gift from someone and supply them with soda and cheese/crackers. Gross!
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I had an Emily Post mom, but she died before my wedding. My family was not happy about my marriage because I was pregnant and only 20 years old. My dad wasn’t hostile and in fact said he’d write the checks and I could do everything else. I chose not to push the envelope on his generosity, plus I had about six weeks between engagement and wedding.

I took out the Emily Post book (an engagement present from my aunt and uncle!) and tried to do all it said with the ceremony, which from my part went well. It was in a beautiful private garden, abundant with all kinds of flowers and foliage, which to my part cut down on the need for decorative flowers.

I asked the rental place to bring white chairs and they brought brown.

Because of some people not RSVPing there were not enough chairs for everyone.

For a 1:30 wedding, 2:30 reception, I had rolls with elegant cold cuts, punch, coffee, tea, fresh fruit and cake. I’m reading a lot about quality food here and feeling really guilty.

I had a keyboard brought in and an excellent jazz pianist playing for the reception which was the only entertainment. No centerpieces or other decor for the reception aside from paper tablecloths in my teal color, but we were in fact in a garden paradise.

I tried to get around to talk to everyone and it seemed that everyone thought it was beautiful in its own way. We gave hugs as appropriate in the receiving line and most people got a photo with the bride and/or groom.

No wishing well or other money grab things, we cut the cake but didn’t do the face shoving thing, no garter or bouquet toss because I found the garter thing distasteful and wanted to keep my bouquet.

I dunno…I hope not to be planning my daughter’s wedding with her until at least 10 years from now, but when I do, I hope we can do something with more taste.

No favors. It never even occurred to me no matter how many issues of Modern Bride I read.

I was just clueless I guess. I can’t go back — it was 1992 and I’m still happily married to my husband.

I think there are a lot of entitled bridezillas out there, but I also believe some things are done out of ignorance not malice
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I also don’t believe the economy is the main reason why people choose to do their own thing. It may be part of it, but people are learning that it’s ok to expand their views and horizons and to do what they feel is best. Just because someone else may not think that something proper, doesn’t mean that it is actually terrible. Most people I know (including etiquette experts, wedding consultants, etc) agree that things are changing and that most anything goes now. It’s usually just advised that people be aware of the "normal etiquette" that they are disregarding as some people may not understand or agree.

If you don’t like what people want or are having, then don’t attend their wedding, answer their question or whatever else. It isn’t about you, it’s not your choice and you have no idea what the people who will be attending their day want/expect/need etc.
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To update you, the new era of etiquette-challenged brides insist that is appropriate and good taste to send *email* wedding invitations, to skip thank you cards (or the travesty of hading computer, pre-printed, default ones at the reception) or barking orders to your guests saying that no boxed gifts will be accepted, some even *I’m not making this up* even going through lenght in clarifying on their wedding website that they already have "enough toasters".

The lists goes on and on. I literally sit here sometimes and scratch my head trying to figure out how these people think that asking for your guests to pay for your honeymoon is acceptable. I’ve been to a wedding during the summer time that expected the guests to pay for their own water or soft drinks on their cash bar on 100F temperature. I’ve been to one wedding that demanded that the BP was at the remote location at 9 am for pictures. o food or water was offered until the recption at 5 pm, and even then, it was a meal fit for a toddler and worse, not enough for the 150 people in attendance.

On my wedding, I went out of my way to make everyone feel comfortable and gave to the best of my ability. I wanted to be remember for being gracious and for people to have fun and be properly fed and entretained. We succeeded.

Good luck
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My fiance & I decided on a guestlist, found an affordable venue and ensured we budgeted first for food & beverages for the guests. We then built the rest of the budget around that.

I may be wearing a $219 dress from eBay and not renting limos or going on a honeymoon right after the wedding, but my guests are having a dinner with full open bar and a DJ for entertainment!!
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